"Sometimes they don't love you, they just love how you love them."-Unknown
It has been almost two months since you left and I still remember it like it was yesterday. It was a Saturday, September 14th and you were mad and blamed it on a bad day at work. I'm not sure what it was that happened that day, but you had changed. Maybe you realized you had feelings for the girl you called "your medic friend" and wasn't sure what to do about it or maybe something had happened between the two of you. I will never know the truth and I honestly don't want to know. Either way, you had decided you didn't want to be with me anymore then. After being together for a whole year (our anniversary was the 16th of September) and just moving in together twenty-three days prior, you had decided to give up on us. But why? I will never know the answer to that either.
For the next four weeks, you would become distant with me, you would start ignoring me, and your would start avoiding me. In my heart, I knew it was the end of us, but I wasn't giving up hope that we would fix whatever the problem was and be back to normal. After all, it was couples do in a relationship. Or supposed to anyway...
I started noticing how you acted fine with everyone else except when you were around me, you were quiet and wouldn't talk at all. Almost all of my messages went ignored or if you did reply you were short with me. "I love you's" became "love you." Stuff that a few months ago, you would give me crap for. You stopped calling me "Babe" or "Hun". I could not figure out what was going on with you and it scared me. You knew how worried I had become and at times how upset it made me, yet you didn't care. You watched me cry and didn't do a thing about it.
When I tried talking to you about it, you still tried to ignore me until you finally said "I don't know what you want me to say. I have nothing to talk about."
What?! Your words were a punch to the gut, but I still kept trying and it only annoyed you more. I'm a fixer and it was killing me that I couldn't fix our relationship. Clearly, you calling me "Wifey" and our talks about our future were just words to you. Words that didn't mean anything.
On October 5th, while I was at work, you packed your things and left without telling me. I didn't find out until I had gone back to the apartment on my lunch break. I cried wondering what had gone so wrong that you would just up and leave without talking to me? What did I expect though as you hadn't talked to me in a month.
Truth be told, I almost didn't call you. What was the point? Your choice was clear, but I wanted to know why. I deserved closure so I called you. Twice. You didn't answer because you were a coward and couldn't face me. Things had gotten a little hard and you tucked your tail between your legs and ran instead of being a man and being honest with me.
Then, the excuses came: "I thought it was the easiest way", "We didn't talk", "We both had changed", "You weren't happy", and "It has been rough for a month now." Gee, I wonder why I wasn't happy and that it has been rough! It was because of how you were treating me!
None of it made sense to me at all so I asked you if there was someone else because after putting all of the pieces together it made total sense. There WAS someone else and I knew exactly who it was. Like a typical male, your response was "No, there isn't someone else. There isn't any interest in someone else."
I knew you were lying, but I let it go because I didn't have concrete proof. You had told me about "Your medic friend" a few times and you knew I didn't like her. You had told me she offered to bring you food to the football game you had been working and I told you that she liked you. You laughed like I was crazy and you never mentioned her again after that. I wasn't crazy, I knew, but I figured you'd at least be a man and tell me to my face. Want to know why you couldn't? Because you couldn't admit you had fallen for her while you were with me. You didn't want to look like the bad guy. While you may have fooled some of your family and even some of your friends, but not once did you fool me.
It is true what they say, that love is blind. I overlooked several red flags with you, but I was stupid and ignored them. You only made me a priority when it was convenient for you, you are terrible at communicating, and you didn't help me with anything. I cooked, cleaned, paid the bills, made sure my son was taken care of, and did the grocery shopping. All stuff that you claimed you would help me with. I did EVERYTHING on top of school and working and you didn't appreciate none of it. So, I am at fault for ignoring the red flags, but so are you for choosing her over someone who would have given you the world.
I finally got my closure on October 22nd proving what I knew all along. My best friend had sent me a screenshot of the post stating you were in a relationship with her. It was dated for October 16th which was eleven days after you left me. When I messaged you about it, you still denied it. You claimed it had been a month, but you clearly can't count because it had been less than two weeks. You see, what you do not understand that cheating isn't just physical. Although, the jury is still out on that one. When you left my brother's wedding did you go see her? You were heading home to get some sleep as you had to be up early for work the next morning, but you messaged me two hours later asking me if I was on my way. You offered up the info that you had left your wallet at the fire station where you had been at earlier that day. Did you honestly leave it or was that another lie? I will never know.
It didn't happen overnight, but slowly I was beginning to get over you. What was keeping me from moving on was that I couldn't understand why you thought she was better than me. After all, I did everything I could to make you happy and it still wasn't enough. I am not perfect by any means, but you supposedly loved me. I guess that was a lie too because if you really ever loved me you would have respected me more. She wouldn't have been able to flirt her way into you heart.
What hurt the most is that my son got hurt too. He couldn't understand why you would just up and leave because you were good to him. He said he felt betrayed and I did too.
Here is some advice for you: Do not ever get involved with a single mother ever again because it hurts the child more than you realize.
The craziest part of all this? I forgive you. Let me explain why...
The fact of the matter is, I settled for you. That is on me, not you. I settled for a guy who can't communicate, who spends way too much money and wonders why he doesn't have any, and for a guy who didn't deserve me. In the end, I broke my own heart.
In the beginning, I had clung to the fact that you had made me feel important and I hadn't felt that way in a relationship in a long time. You had treated me better than my ex-husband had and I didn't want to let go of that. But I was blind.
So, thank you for leaving me. Thank you for allowing me to remember my worth. I am all smiles now knowing that I am so much better off without you in my life. You will miss me, but it is too late. It was too late the moment you left. The day you left was the day I decided I wasn't taking you back because if you had left once you would do it again.
Now, to the girl my ex chose:
I can't call you a woman as a real woman wouldn't flirt with someone who was in a relationship. You knew exactly what you were doing and since you wanted him SO bad, you can deal with him. My life is ten times better already. I know you think you have a winner, but if he was honestly a good guy, he wouldn't have left me for you. He would have stayed faithful. I'm sure he lied to you too and you were dumb enough to fall for it. You know what they say, "Be careful what you wish for." I'm not exactly sure how there is any trust in your relationship, but I am just going to let karma do it's thing while I continue being happy and achieving my goals.
You're stuck with him now. God speed.